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S5E9: Loss & Love Again with Mary-Anne Rubado Kline
Loss can be a terribly difficult thing to talk about- especially when we exist in a lifestyle where it is both a fear and reality. We need to be able to talk about it and learn from those who have gone through it and found happiness again. In this Memorial Day special, Mary-Ann Rubado Kline joins the podcast to share the loss of her first husband, Charlie, during their first deployment while stationed in Colorado. She is now married to Jeremiah, a veteran and first responder. I ask her tough questions about what it is like to love again, how Jeremiah allows space for the time she lived with Charlie, and more.
It is important to hear the stories of those who have gone through great pain. It acknowledges a Sacred Space that they lived through and were changed by. Even though this may be difficult for some of you to hear, I hope you will listen. There are so many wonderful truths and so much wisdom found in my interview with her. I have no doubt you will be encouraged and inspired to live and love more fully.
Thank you Mary-Anne for sharing your heart and being so vulnerable with us!
Interested in subscribing to the Lifegiver Newsletter? Subscribers get discounts on their first session with Corie and find more information on building a community of Lifegivers. Click here to subscribe.
Want to give back? Send a monthly cup of coffee to keep us going by being a supporter on our patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/lifegiver
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75th Ranger Couple’s Virtual Date Night- May 2020
With COVID changing many people’s plans, but 75th was still going to make date nights a possibility. 20 couples showed up virtually for a talk on Conflict reduction and Communication. The night ended with Q & A where additional topics like reintegration tips and personality differences were addressed.
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S5E8: Kellie Artis with Moving the MILLIE Way
It is PCS (Permanent Change of Station) Season and if you listened to season 4 of Lifegiver, you know I struggle when it is time to uproot! MILLIE has been growing over the years in their efforts to make it easier for you to transition, and I need a whole lot of that! In this episode, Kellie Artis joins me to share not only how MILLIE can connect you to other service families in your new location, but how you can be fully prepared in finding housing, handling logistics, and more. We even talk about the emotional and psychological impact of starting over. Don’t miss this one! For more on MILLIE: check out their website, Facebook group, and all their toolkits to help you in the process!
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75th Ranger Couple’s Virtual Date Night- May 2020
75th continued to be bound and determined to not let their couples face COVID lockdowns without a date night. Chaplains got creative and set up a way to have couples go pick up food from a local restaurant and return home for a virtual event. The event lasted 2 hours where we covered reintegration tips for reconnecting after deployment and communication styles. We talked about the importance of setting boundaries in marriage and how to ask for what you need with assertiveness rather than resorting to aggressive or passive aggressive talk.
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S5E7: Becky Porter with MCEC
When you are a parent, you will do anything for your child(ren). As a military family that moves a lot, a lot of thought and stress goes into making sure your child has everything they need to succeed. Especially when you volunteered for this lifestyle and they were born into it. In this episode, I invite Becky Porter, CEO of Military Child Education Coalition to share what they are doing to make all of this easier for military parents and educators.
If you are a first responder family, this episode is still for you! Listen in to the vast resources that MCEC is offering that everyone can benefit from.
Interested in subscribing to the Lifegiver Newsletter? Subscribers get discounts on their first session with Corie and find more information on building a community of Lifegivers. Click here to subscribe.
Want to give back? Send a monthly cup of coffee to keep us going by being a supporter on our patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/lifegiver
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Bonus: Matt and Corie Join the USO to Answer Your Marriage Questions
The world looks a whole lot different lately. COVID-19 has the entire world on lockdown (or so it feels). We are all doing our part to stay at home, some of you have PCS and deployment orders that are delayed. Regardless of your situation, this has a great impact on your marriage. You might be spending more time with your spouse than ever before and that can definitely cause tension. In this episode, Matt and I share our conversation with the USO during their Coffee Connections Live event. We answered questions about communication, growth in your marriage, holding each other accountable, as well as how to help your spouse open up. If you are looking for more support, check out the USO for not only ways to give back, but for how they are also looking to invest in your overall wellbeing with their programming for spouses!
Here are a few of the resources mentioned:
Favorite Resources: https://drive.google.com/file/d/10Kl4WnHjnhUerU1cOc58nb3tHF7Ru8Tm/view?usp=sharing
Sacred Spaces: https://www.life-giver.org/sacred-spaces/
Forgiveness: https://www.life-giver.org/forgiveness-in-affair-recovery-gods-design-in-marriage/
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S5E#6: Late-Night Chat with Matt – Mr. Rogers Movie
Corie and her husband Matt, both caregivers, unpack their thoughts on the movie A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, the life story of Mr. Rogers starring Tom Hanks.
The intentionality with which Mr. Rogers focused on the person he was with in each moment is an example to us today. Our culture is conditioned to multitask and to constantly think about what else we need to be doing, but Mr. Rogers let all else fade away when he spent time with someone. He set a good example for us as we in the service culture, attempt to be present with our spouses and friends.
Interested in subscribing to the Lifegiver Newsletter? Subscribers get discounts on their first session with Corie and find more information on building a community of Lifegivers. Click here to subscribe.
Want to give back? Send a monthly cup of coffee to keep us going by being a supporter on our patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/lifegiver
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S5E5: Dr. Kendra Lowe
Dr. Kendra Lowe knows the challenges service members face as she is a Veteran herself. When she switched to the civilian life Dr. Kendra was surprised to note that she experienced just as much stress as a spouse as she experienced while in the service.
“The concepts and perspectives derived from Dr. Lowe’s decade-long research, aims to provide command teams with an operational approach to combat the mission degrading effects of military spouse stress.”
There is stress for spouse and it’s significant. We know that. But what now?
Her book answers that question.
Dr. Kendra has created a resource that walks the reader through 8 weeks of changing their thought processes. Her website states: This comprehensive and invaluable tool will help you accept the unique nature of military life, anticipate and persevere in the face of social-emotional setbacks, practice effective coping strategies, and learn to thrive on to new possibilities. Read more:
Resources:
Her book titled Wake Up, Kick Ass, Repeat: A Guide to Self Perseverance Within the Military Spouse Life Cycle
Interested in subscribing to the Lifegiver Newsletter? Subscribers get discounts on their first session with Corie and find more information on building a community of Lifegivers. Click here to subscribe.
Want to give back? Send a monthly cup of coffee to keep us going by being a supporter on our patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/lifegiver
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Coronavirus Bonus Lifegiver LIVE Episodes
Lifegiver Live: Coronavirus Bonus Episode 1
Matt and I do our first live streaming episode where we talk about the impact of the virus on our community. We specifically talk about how to handle the tension of being quarantined in your home 24/7 with your spouse and children. For our community, couples are often not used to being around each other all the time or as FR families are now facing long hours with an invisible enemy. Listen in for tips to navigate your conversations. Here are a couple of resources we mention:
Interested in subscribing to the Lifegiver Newsletter? Subscribers get discounts on their first session with Corie and find more information on building a community of Lifegivers. Click here to subscribe.
Want to give back? Send a monthly cup of coffee to keep us going by being a supporter on our patreon page: https://www.patreon.com/lifegiver
Bonus: Lifegiver LIVE Matt Interviews Army Chaplains on Sustaining Care & Community
March 20, 2020Matt interviews two US Army Chaplains about how they are creatively sustaining community and care using social media and other platforms. With the introduction of the Coronavirus, ministry teams and churches are looking to find new ways to care for each other, embrace the newest generations, and connect online rather than face to face.
Bonus: Lifegiver LIVE Coronavirus Forcing Families into Homeschool
March 20, 2020To the surprise of, well, everyone… kids who were in public schools are now at home facing a homeschool-like situation. Parents are now scrambling trying to balance remote work, parenting, quarantines, and now overseeing their child’s education. If you are feeling overwhelmed, Jennifer Hamrick has words of encouragement for you. You can love your child and be a fantastic parent and still be very unhappy with this new situation. Listen in as Jennifer shares great tips for how to manage a house full of kids and still have time for you.
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You Can’t Stay on the Back Burner Indefinitely
In Season 5 Episode 4 of the Lifegiver podcast, Corie unpacked the results of the 2019 Blue Star Military Family Survey. She also discussed an all-too-common mentality that many service families live with:
Mission first. My place is on the back burner.
Supporting spouses often believe that this is just how it is going to be as long as their serving spouse is wearing the uniform. While it is true that there are seasons when this is necessary, it is not healthy for this to be the case indefinitely. And while it is important for the serving spouse (the one in the service) to make positive changes and recognize what he or she can do to prioritize their spouse and marriage, it is equally important for the supporting spouse to learn how to be assertive and ask for what he or she needs.
Approaching the situation from the perspective of assuming the best of your spouse, you will likely find that your serving spouse is eager to help you and happy that he or she doesn’t have to read your mind. Mind reading is a skill few of us have, though we all seem to assume our spouse should already know what we are thinking and what we need. Approaching the situation from that point of view will most likely lead to a reaction of defensiveness, which is not at all productive.
A few tips for approaching your spouse:
- First, don’t have the conversation with your spouse while either of you is exhausted. Save the conversation for a time when you are both renewed and refreshed.
- Second, start by encouraging your spouse. Make sure he or she knows that you appreciate what they do for you and for the family.
- Third, tell your spouse how you feel in a way that isn’t combative. Use “I” statements rather than “you” statements… those can feel accusatory.
- Finally, tell your spouse what you need. It’s your responsibility to figure out what you need and to ask for it. Your spouse isn’t a mind reader.
If you are able to have a conversation without accusing your spouse of intentionally neglecting you, you may find he or she is eager to find ways to support you.
And if you need some ideas for how to recharge and refresh, here are a few to get you started:
- Find someone to trade child care with so that at least once a week you get out and do something for you. (Run, go to coffee, peruse a library, window shop, even get the groceries alone.)
- Consider hiring a housekeeper to come once a week or twice a month. You’d be surprised at how affordable this can be.
- Spend a night alone in a hotel to recharge your mental batteries.
- Pick meals that are easy and healthy… slow cookers and pressure cookers can make mealtimes easier.
- Consider batch cooking and stock your freezer with homemade meals to serve later.
- Evaluate your sleep habits and determine if you are starting each day already depleted.
- Set a goal to read a certain number of books this year and prioritize that screen-free time. (Audio books are great for when you’re driving, cleaning, or out for a walk.)
- Ask for podcast suggestions from friends… there are podcasts on virtually every subject.
- Join a social activism campaign that lights you up. Sometimes volunteering is just what you need to feel fulfilled.
Ultimately the critical point is to not assume that your spouse is intentionally ignoring your needs. When you assume the best of your spouse and find ways to meet your needs you will breathe life into your marriage and it will be strengthened. It’s okay to spend time on the back burner, it’s just not okay to stay there indefinitely.
Our newsletter subscribers have special content delivered to them. If you want to subscribe to our newsletter, you can do so by clicking this link. Our Facebook group of First Responder and Military couples is a place where more intimate conversations take place.
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S5E4: Corie Weathers – What’s on the Back Burner?
Join us as we take a moment to assess how we as service families are doing and what we can do to influence the change we need in our own lives.
The Blue Star Families survey results were recently released and, not surprisingly, it was noted that we are struggling in several key areas. Listen in as Corie unpacks these and provides tips on how to ask for what you need.
If you are a spouse and feel relegated to the back burner, we understand. We know that it’s often where we have to go… mission first. However, you can’t stay there indefinitely. Your marriage can’t stay on the back burner indefinitely. In this episode, Corie talks about what to do if you are struggling with the way things are.
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Milspouse Fest March, 2020 Texas
It was the last big trip before COVID-19 completely changed our lives. Texas was already beginning to see cases, but Milspouse Fest was already scheduled and spouses were in great anticipation. This year’s theme was “Together”…
I also had a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with a High School friend of mine- also named Corie and a military spouse, WHAT?!?
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75th Ranger Regiment February 2020
What an honor to walk the 75th Ranger Regiment spouses through a StrengthsFinder event! Spouses came with an intention to come and take care of themselves. So many spouses struggle to; know what brings them joy and the Strengths workshop reveals that they have more coping skills and talents than they thought.
The group got to know themselves in a positive way, feel encouraged by talents they bring to their marriage and noticing the gifts in those around them. We also took sometime to decompress and process the stress of the lifestyle and its impact on them and their marriage.
The next evening we enjoyed a date night out at Jarfly where couples took the risk to walk through an exercise I led them through sitting knee to knee with their spouse. Always my favorite part- seeing couples reconnect when they have felt like ships passing in the night.
Reach out for opportunities to bring a workshop or speaking engagement to your group!
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S5E3: Marriage Makes Us All Better
Bree Carroll is an engineer using her skills as an event coordinator and wedding planner.
Bree saw some marriages around her fail mostly due to a lack of resources to help them get through the challenges they faced. The resources were too hard to find. As a person of action, she made the leap from spectator to influencer, making it her mission to connect those hurting with those who have the ability to help.
One of Bree’s passions is wedding planning, so watching marriages fall apart was counter to her very existence.
How Bree communicates:
1. Through prayer – I’ve seen this change things in my marriage. Go directly to the one who created love in the first place.
2. With spouse – Keep timing and tact in mind when communicating with your spouse! Spouses are not mind readers. (Celebrate small successes and use that momentum to work on bigger challenges.)
What Bree hopes to accomplish with her work:
- Hearts and Stripes is a Facebook community where people can find a one-stop shop for resources for their marriage.
- Connection to others who have gone through similar challenges.
- Support from others while seeking help for your own marriage.
Great quotes:
- We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” Dr. Seuss
- Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.
Maya Angelou - Be patient and give grace.” Bree Carroll
Bree Carroll’s resources:
Other resources mentioned:
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S5E2: Heather Ehle with Project Sanctuary
What we discuss:
In this episode, Heather shares her story about being a registered nurse and her introduction to the challenges military families face. Because the stress of the lifestyle affects the whole family, she wanted to find a way to help an organization that was caring for the family unit.
When she didn’t find one that was serving whole families, she created one. Project Sanctuary hosts 6-day retreats that focus on overcoming obstacles: financial, communication, family counseling, PTSD, and more. There are 10 different locations and in 2020 there are 32 retreats planned.
Two hours a day are spent in therapeutic sessions. There are incredible activities at each location including fishing, white water rafting, horseback riding, ziplining, and snowmobiling. Some of these are once-in-a-lifetime activities while other activities are able to be replicated once the family goes home (hiking or playing board games).
Licensed and trained counselors are on-site all week. Breakthroughs on the part of both the veteran and the spouse occur at each retreat!
Once a family has been on the retreat they are welcome to return as volunteers.
Resources and Links:
PS: Jennifer here… My family was able to attend a Project Sanctuary retreat at Snow Mountain Ranch and I had two personal breakthroughs during the PTSD session. As a chaplain’s wife I figured I’d heard most of the stuff they were going to cover so the fact that I had two major breakthroughs I didn’t know I needed was powerful.
One is related to a minor change in my husband after deploying twice. After two tours he started bouncing his leg while sitting and it was incredibly annoying. (Still is, to be honest.) In the PTSD session the speaker mentioned that this is a common side effect of combat trauma. I constantly asked him to stop doing this. The PTSD session mentioned this was a natural and healthy way to release tension and that my asking him to stop was basically me asking him to keep that tension bottled up. The leg bouncing is still irritating, but after that session I rarely ask him to stop. I see it now for what it is.
The other breakthrough was having my own deployment traumas validated. I didn’t know that the supporting spouse could have legitimate traumas caused by deployment. I didn’t face war. I didn’t face danger. I didn’t see death. And yet, I was changed, and in some ways, the changes were strange to me.
I got mad when my husband mowed the grass. (It was my pet project during the 15-month deployment and he dared to touch it?!) I also didn’t like for him to drive once he got back. I had spent the entire time taxiing the kids around and once he got back I didn’t trust him behind the wheel. I had actual, physical manifestations of fear when he’d drive and he’s a really good driver!
Looking back, I can see so clearly that both of these reactions were trauma-based but I had no idea at the time. How much easier reintegration would have been had we both known these things about ourselves and each other.
These two breakthroughs were worth the time it took for us to drive from Texas to Colorado for our retreat, but there were many other benefits and experiences that made it spectacular. It was, in a literal and figurative sense, a mountaintop experience.
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Season 5 Premier: Timing and Tact
Welcome to Season 5! I can’t believe we are starting another year of the Lifegiver Podcast. This is the season premier where I update you on all that is happening with Lifegiver- including the new Lifegiver TEAM! A special welcome to Jennifer Hamrick and Lisa Walters for their help in making the Lifegiver Newsletter an AMAZING resource for all of you. (Hint: Catch my interview with Jennifer in the first season of Lifegiver!).
If you haven’t signed up for the Newsletter, make sure you do!!
In this episode we are talking about the importance of timing and tact with our emotions and words, whether we are in conflict with our spouse, in a leadership position, or even being a public advocate. Military spouses especially feel at times like their voice is limited and that any complaining can come across as being a negative spouse.
The truth is, we have a right to our feelings and opinions, but have great responsibility in how we express them. Rather than become passive or perhaps worse- aggressive- we can learn to be more assertive in kindness and love. But… also with the right timing and tact.
Listen in as I give examples and practical tips on how to be more confident with the amazing influence you have in your marriage, parenting, and in the world.
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Ranger Reintegration Workshop January 2020
This event was a dream come true. When my good friends Brittany Boucher and Krista Simpson-Anderson came to me with the idea of us leading a workshop together I jumped at the opportunity. These two are amazing and bring a wealth of knowledge and wisdom. Brittany sharing on her experience as a caregiver of a service member with TBI and Krista sharing how she has brought joy into her life after becoming a God Star is nothing but inspiring.
Our desire for the event was to give spouses a chance to not only decompress from an intense deployment, but also gain some new strategies for reintegration. Brittany taught on the importance of self-care and fulfilling a personal sense of purpose and Krista shared that no matter what you go through you can rise above and still have a wonderful life. Care team training is always a tough topic, but crucial to our ability to face fears and lean on our community.
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Keep the SPARK in Your Service Marriage
It’s a new year! This is the perfect time to take your 2020 calendar and add 12 items that will help you keep your marriage full of life.
If your spouse is deployed or has travel dates, you may have to be creative in this, but it is absolutely possible to plan something every month of the year.
Three ideas for selecting the 12 dates on the calendar:
- Plan a date or special activity on the date of your anniversary. For example, if you got married on the 5th of May, mark that date each month to do something with or for your spouse.
- Look ahead at each month and select a date that works best for your marriage for that specific month.
- Set aside the 1st Saturday of each month (or 3rd Tuesday… whatever works) as an ongoing date, blocked off.
What to do on your dates:
If your spouse is not deployed, here are a few ideas for your monthly get-togethers, whether you are a military or first-responder family:
- Pick a new restaurant to try each month (lunch dates while kids are at school are perfectly acceptable!).
- Laser tag
- Escape room
- Museums (free in many cities for serving families)
- Pick a new running (or hiking) route.
- Read a book together (either at the same time or read separately and talk about it later).
- Pick a social justice issue that you care about and spend one of your dates volunteering in that area.
- Go to a local concert (or ballet, theater play).
- Attend a painting class (or pottery, or glass blowing).
- Take dance lessons.
If you are military and your spouse is deployed (deploying):
- Get away for one or two nights before or after the deployment.
- Select a book to read and discuss it when you are able to connect.
- Pick a new show to watch (not binge!!) together one episode at a time.
- Send a package or letter (deployed service members really do love to receive mail!).
- Be creative in what you send. My husband sent me messages in a bottle, a pillowcase he wrote sweet notes on, and hundreds (literally) of letters that he wrote in batches and mailed sporadically. He was more creative than I was!
- Mail a paper journal back and forth. You could use this for jotting down things you miss about each other, activities you look forward to doing together once the deployment is over, dreams about future travel destinations, or set goals you want to accomplish as individuals and as a couple.
- Plan a phone call once a month while the children are gone or with a sitter so you can really focus on your spouse. (It is really hard to concentrate on the conversation when trying to keep a toddler from nosediving off the back of the couch.)
If you are a first responder couple and your spouse has an unpredictable schedule (many military jobs are quite similar):
- Remember, lunch dates count!
- Stay flexible. You well know that plans can change instantly.
- If you had plans to do something together and your serving spouse is called in to work, use that time wisely (which will look different to each person!).
- Look for a network of people who “get it” and can understand your disappointment when the job interferes with your plans, but…
- Make sure the people you talk to don’t disparage your spouse or the job; high quality friends can listen to your disappointment and feel it with you without making matters worse.
- Be in a habit of allowing your serving spouse to unwind from the hypervigilant state into a calm one and look into what toll that takes on a person.
- If you are the serving spouse, recognize this process and find ways to mentally walk yourself from the hypervigilant state into one that is calm and family-friendly.
- This idea is adapted from the deployed spouse list: Buy a paper journal and pass it back and forth. You could use this for jotting down things you miss about each other, activities you plan on doing together, dreams about future travel destinations, or set goals you want to accomplish as individuals and as a couple.
Practical ideas if you have kids:
- Swap out child care with another family.
- At-home dates are great to save money. Combine this idea with the swapping out of child care and you can drop your kids off at a friend’s house and head back home. Snuggle up with a movie or play a game uninterrupted. Be sure to return the favor!
- Find a store with drop-off childcare and shop kid-free. (In Germany, both IKEA and Hofmeister have free, two-hour child care to let parents shop.)
- Take turns letting each other sleep in. While not a “together” activity, this gift to your spouse can earn you major bonus points.
Ideas from Lifegivers on Facebook:
- Attend a marriage retreat
- Read through a marriage enrichment book
- Occasionally, turn off all screens and sit together on the couch just catching up
- Date like you did before you were married
- Send sweet messages during the day
- Show your appreciation for them
- Go-karting
- Take a walk around the neighborhood
- Pray together regularly
- Marriage counseling (even healthy marriages can benefit from counseling!)
- Have an older couple mentor you
- Dream together
- Hug (not a passing but a lingering hug)
- Spend a day like tourists where you live
- Winery for wine tasting
- Work on listening skills
- Get away to a romantic cabin and don’t leave the cabin for a whole weekend
- Chores can wait; be present in the moment
- Have a job with flexibility so you’re available when your serving spouse is available
However you choose to make time, or whatever you choose to do, being intentional about planning ahead will give you and your spouse some much-needed time and space together and help keep that spark alive.
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The Army Has Introduced a New Leadership Value. Here’s Why It Matters
(As seen on Military.com)
Corie Weathers is a clinical consultant and subject matter expert on leadership and culture for service organizations and academic institutions. Her family is stationed at Fort Leavenworth, where her spouse, an Army chaplain, is a student.
Humility.
Straight out of the classrooms and lecture halls of the Army Command and General Staff College (CGSC) and School of Advanced Military Studies (SAMS) at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, comes a word that is meant to inspire a new kind of leadership. Jim Collins, author of “From Good to Great,” spoke to 1,200 future military leaders about his decades of research on what influences the most successful companies and institutions.
The distinguishing factor of the most successful organizations and those just below them, he shared, comes down to having what he calls a “Level 5 Leader.” While “Level 4 leaders” have effective leadership skills but are more focused on their own egos, Collins describes Level 5 leaders as those who take responsibility when the institution suffers. He pointed to those who sustain the institution when it succeeds. In other words, it all comes down to a leader’s ego.
“Humility” has since become a point of conversation within the school and among families in the community. Recent changes to Army doctrine on leadership development sparked dialogue, as humility was introduced alongside empathy as necessary leadership attributes. And it’s in the service’s doctrine. “A leader with the right level of humility is a willing learner, maintains accurate self-awareness, and seeks out others’ input and feedback,” according to Army Doctrine Publication (ADP) 6-22.
What, then, does it mean to lead America’s military and care for its families with humility?
At the 2019 Association of the United States Army conference, then-acting Army Secretary Ryan McCarthy and Army Chief of Staff Gen. James C. McConville announced that people would be their number one priority as the service’s top leaders. How do they aim to do that? Empower the force by providing members with more autonomy, and model humility by promoting the overall health of the people as the strength of the organization. Rather than dismissing families by putting “the needs of the Army first,” McCarthy and McConville modeled the power of conversation at the conference. In essence, one could see this as an attempt at Level 5 Leadership.
McCarthy and McConville are publicly addressing topics such as how people are managed, seeing value in talent as well as issues that affect the family like housing, permanent change-of-station moves, spouse employment, child care and more.
The Army’s new talent management system is an excellent example of how one change can impact almost every goal on the service’s list at once. The Assignment Interactive Module version 2, or AIM 2.0, rolled out this year as an online portal for service members to advertise their knowledge and skills by uploading a resume and rank preferences for their next assignment. Meanwhile, units across the globe assessed their needs and searched the portal for individuals who met them. Affectionately referred to as “The Marketplace,” the portal acts as a sort of Match.com for the military. In other words, military families were given more control over their future than ever before.
Fort Leavenworth families are experiencing this new marketplace first-hand as its more than 1,200 families await new assignments, as happens every December. In the months leading up to assignment distribution, soldiers were encouraged to sit down with their spouses and complete their profile in the marketplace. In case anyone questioned the new idea or the ability of leaders to follow through, McCarthy issued a directive that everyone, every branch, was expected to utilize AIM 2.0 in their assignments process — no exceptions in order to test the first phase of the launch.
Access to child care; medical needs; the spouse’s future career opportunities and more could finally be considered as soldiers accessed the portal for open assignments and ranked opportunities that would best serve career and family. Transparency was introduced in a once-bureaucratic system, where families previously could only submit three top location preferences and wait for someone they didn’t know behind a desk to determine their future.
While AIM 2.0 does not guarantee that a family will get their preference, it did create more conversation than ever before between the soldier and the units they desire to work with. At Fort Leavenworth, students and their spouses attended parties and networking events, and unit commanders looking for talent openly interviewed candidates. Conversations turned into handshakes. Handshakes often turned into orders.
So what was the response from spouses on this new approach to the assignments process? After all, McConville and McCarthy are publicly acknowledging the stress of PCS moves on families and marriages.
While much of Fort Leavenworth still awaits actual orders, leaders are strongly encouraging spouses to participate in the process. Being one step removed from their family’s destiny is perhaps a spouse’s most stressful experience, especially when the possibility of secondary income, support, school options for children and more are dependent on where the next assignment is.
“Whether we get our first pick or not, participating in the decision process as a couple, the ability to network with assignments that actually want us there and having a say in whether it is a place that is good for our family, improves morale and faith in the institution as a whole once again,” one spouse said.
The new AIM system may not give the family their first choice, but it does offer a strong possibility of getting one of their picks.
Non-military experts are also highlighting the importance of humility in leadership.
Steven Covey, son of leadership expert Franklin Covey, introduced “Speed of Trust” as a way for organizations to develop high-trust leaders. The curriculum is used by the Army’s chaplain Corps at marriage retreats. Respect is one of the 13 traits that describes those leaders.
Researcher Paul Zak then examined the neuroscience of trust by studying the levels of oxytocin (or “trust hormone”) and following up with a behavioral study of more than 2,000 employees across different companies. Some of his findings? That individuals would rather trade a 20% pay raise for more autonomy over their work and the ability to choose where they use their talents and apply their energy. That’s something research company Gallup has also long investigated and proven as a way to increase productivity while also raising morale.
This recent pilot launch in the Army system can restore faith in the service’s leaders, but only if leaders authentically share in McConville’s intent. Every military family has experienced the tyranny of serving under a Level 4 leader, but the new message coming from the top builds hope and encourages loyalty in younger generations who rightfully question blind loyalty. After all, we are learning as a society that the very best leaders are those who can trust those they have worked hard to raise up.
In the words of Star Wars’s Master Yoda, “We are who they grow beyond, that is the burden of the Master.”
Humility, as it turns out, is not a vulnerability. It is a necessity in warfare. To raise up the very best on the battlefield, you must know what drives them beyond love of country. It is to value their love of the family for whom they fight. To settle for anything less is to hit a personal ceiling as a Level 4 leader and risk the entire organization.
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MilspouseFest San Diego, CA Nov 2019
My recent partnership with MilspouseFest has been wonderful and honestly, full of FUN. Most events that I do are deep, meaningful, and leverage more of my clinical skills of processing. MilspouseFest invited me to join them for some events in 2019 and 2020 as a keynote speaker and emcee. The events are fast paced, full of resources, and so many giveaways! We move fast but have a great time. Events are in the evening and morning so spouses can attend what works for them.
San Diego was special because my Dad flew in from Georgia and surprised me. Like… he literally walked up during the lunch break and was like “Hey… You got lunch plans?” GAME CHANGER.
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Who’s Really in Charge? Sunday Special Season 4 Finale
We are celebrating the end of Season 4 with a big question that likely everyone has asked: “Who is really in charge?” Is it man? Is it God? When does God get in involved? Why doesn’t he?
Perhaps you are waiting on orders to your next assignment (like we are) and wondering if the people involved are listening to God. Or maybe you are praying for a promotion or for your spouse to turn back to God. Some of you may have even experienced abuse at the hands of someone else and are wondering, “Why didn’t God intervene?”
In this Sunday Special, I open up on my own journey to look into the sovereignty of God and tackle these big questions by diving into what scripture says about it.
Thank you for a fantastic Season 4!
Included in this episode: A portion of James Corden’s “The Late Late Show.” To listen to the full video, watch here:
Kanye West Airpool Karaoke
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Mentoring is BACK: The Power of Face to Face
We are nearing the end of Season 4 with a fantastic interview with Vernice Castillo of Military Spouse Advocacy Network (MSAN)! There is no one better to talk about the importance and trend of mentoring than Vernice.
In this episode, we come full circle from Episode 1 with a discussion on how mentoring in our military and first responder culture is impacting the wellbeing of so many military spouses who are reporting issues of loneliness, fatigue, exhaustion, and resentment. Listen in and allow Vernice to remind you of why face-to-face is so much more fulfilling than online connection. It might open your eyes to what you’ve been missing.
If you would like more information on how you can get involved with MSAN, click here: https://www.militaryspouseadvocacynetwork.org/
To listen to a previous episode on mentoring and the various generational shifts, listen to my previous episode: The Village.
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Seeking Counseling: Everything You Need to Know
Get ready to take some notes!! This episode is LONG overdue and chock full of so much information.
I get asked weekly, “How do I find a clinician?” “What do I search for?” “How will I know if they are a good fit?” For years I dug into Psychology Profiles and even websites looking for clinicians that were not only competent, but understood the service lifestyle. This year, I launched the Lifegiver Clinician Directory – the first ever searchable directory and database of clinicians that have a passion to serve you. Some of them are even first responders, spouses, and veterans!
Now you can find someone using the map or search fields to find the kind of provider that works for your family!
In this episode I also cover:
- How to know if you need counseling
- The difference between a counselor, psychiatrist, and psychologist
- The different types of counseling and treatments
- My experience with EMDR
- What I look for in a clinician
- How to handle your counseling relationship when it doesn’t feel like a good fit
Stay tuned, Season 4 is coming to a close soon. Listen in as I talk about the vision for Season 5!!!
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Spilled Milk
By L.G. McCary
As a military spouse, I hear others complain about all the things that go wrong when their spouses are away. ER visits. Plumbing leaks. Car problems. Lost pets. Meteor strikes. But I’m going to complain for a moment about all those other things that happen.
For me, the big things are frustrating, but other people are willing to help as long as I ask. When my husband is TDY or in the field, I find the little stuff that usually wouldn’t bother me is what looms over me like a grinning gargoyle.
For instance, a child knocking over a stack of folded laundry makes me heave a sigh when my husband is home, but when he’s gone, it sends me into a crying jag to rival Alice in Wonderland. There’s something about that carefully folded tower of clean towels destroyed in a second by a backhand from the preschooler that makes me feel like my house is collapsing around my ears.
Then there is spilled Kix cereal. Normally, my kids spilling cereal is an every-morning occurrence, but when my husband is gone, it sends me into a tailspin. A thousand things flash before my eyes. I’m going to have to take four children back to the grocery store for cereal. I’m going to have to listen to three little voices whining for me to buy Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs and battle three pairs of hands asking for random candy in the checkout line, all while hoping the baby sleeps through the trip.
Then I pull my hair out because all those tiny balls roll away into corners and lie in wait to be found by a baby’s hand, and they are just the right size to choke my Toothless Wonder. Did I also mention that milk-moistened Kix dries like cement if you don’t clean it up immediately? I’m pretty sure the ancient Romans built their highways with Kix and milk.
And then there’s my purse strap.
I have two purses, one for everyday use, and a smaller one for concerts and special events. My everyday bag is the perfect neutral gray and has lots of pockets for organizing my mess, but it has a design flaw that causes one of the straps to loosen and pop off. Normally this is fine. I know how to use a mini-screwdriver. But shortly after my husband left for his last TDY assignment, I was having a particularly trying morning getting out of the house to church. The baby was fussy, the older kids had trouble finding their coloring books, and the preschooler would only eat two bites of something, then move on to another breakfast item creating a trail of half-eaten foodstuffs in the dining room and kitchen. I herded them out the door, and when I reached for my purse, pop!
I stared at my traitorous handle, rage building to “Hulk Smash” levels and hissed, “Seriously? You’re doing this to me now?”
You know you’re losing it when you start talking to inanimate objects.
All these small things are a different kind of miserable than hospital trips because I can’t reasonably ask for someone else to handle them. But mostly they are reminders of the real reason I’m upset: he isn’t here.
“But mostly they are reminders of the real reason I’m upset: he isn’t here.”
When my husband is home, he carries the laundry upstairs after I’m done folding so it doesn’t get knocked over. He sweeps up the cereal after breakfast while I’m feeding the baby or helping the preschooler use the potty. And if you think I should buy myself a new purse with a handle that doesn’t break, he bought me that purse on date night a few years ago.
I’m a tough army wife. I’m supposed to rival Kris Jenner in having situations under control. In my maladjusted mind, it makes more sense to cry over spilled cereal and talk to my accessories than admit just how much I miss him and really don’t want to do it all without him. The truth is I’m not as tough and independent as I would prefer the world think.
And sometimes it’s okay to cry over a broken purse strap because it’s not just a broken purse strap.
Now excuse me while I power up my jackhammer to clean up the latest breakfast spill.
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The Foundation of Values.
Very few relationships succeed without first agreeing on values. Values, grounded in some sort of moral code, are the foundation of every relationship- business, marriage, friendship, or partnership.Almost every organization or business depends on partnerships, grants, and the strengths of others to reach their goals for growth. Your business will never thrive if you have determined that you own a monopoly. And to be honest, I have seen businesses and organizations lose their reputation over their unwillingness to work well with others- both internally and externally. Teamwork and partnerships help you fill in the gaps of talent that exists on your team, bring in an entirely different perspective and audience as well as help you make a much larger impact. Together is always better, right?
Right. Unless the two disagree on the foundational values that you both represent. Values are the bedrock of our intentions, the “why” behind our mission, and the measuring stick we must use behind almost every decision we make. Your values are deep seeded determinations and definitions of the most important things in your life. In your personal life, your values of loyalty, being a person of your word, worth ethic, definition of family, honesty, and so many more are what solidify the bond you have in marriage and friendships.
Would you allow a neighbor to watch your children without first discussing the rules within their home? Would you jump into marriage without first talking about what loyalty means to you?
And yet, businesses partner with other businesses all the time over the idea of working together or the excitement about a project- without ever having a discussion about shared or unshared values.
Here are a few common values worth pausing whatever networking or project you have started in order get on the same page:
- Faith and Spirituality: If your faith determines how you run your business and conversations with that partner could involve faith, it is very important to share what you believe with that partner. They may not share the same faith system, or simply not expect faith to come up in discussions.
- Work ethic: Does your team work until the job is done even if it means overtime? Does your team have an expectation that everyone must be prepared to deliver their best? Every business is unique in their expectations- having an open conversation ahead of time removes assumptions and sets the tone of the relationship.
- Transparency: How do you want to handle the partnership when you disagree? Every relationship, even business relationships, will eventually disagree on something. Setting the expectation that transparency and talking about differences of opinion or values up front can make for a more trusting relationship with minimal paranoia.
- Loyalty: Just like in a marriage, business relationships must have an open conversation about what loyalty means to both sides. Hard to believe you might have different opinions on that, right? The project you are working on together may be something you want to be an exclusive project or product that isn’t shared with others. What if your partnering business would rather you talk with them first before partnering on a different project with someone else? Although your business has autonomy, loyalty still impacts relationships in various ways.
There are lots of other values that are the foundation of your “Why”. What are they? How do they feed your mission statement? Do you talk about those regularly with your team? Do you bring those up in interviews with potential employees? Values are the foundation of everything we do. What conversations do you need to start today?
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The Deployment Countdown with BraveCrates
Becky Hoy from Brave Crates joins the podcast to share how you can better your marriage even when you are apart. Becky Hoy believes that deployment is one of the best things that has ever happened for the growth of her marriage and her own personal development.
As an Army spouse whose husband has been deployed or otherwise away from home for roughly half of their seven years of marriage, Becky realized quickly that wishing away the days during deployment could not be an option for her. To share this message with other spouses, Becky founded Brave Crate. She shares weekly tips and inspiration as a blogger for Brave Blog and has curated the deployment-positive support community for military spouses called Brave Board.
ABOUT BRAVE CRATE
For military spouses, counting down to being reunited with their deployed service member can feel like a never ending journey! That’s why each month Brave Crate sends a box of curated self-development and personal wellness products that allow her to shift her focus away from counting the days and onto setting goals and finding joy – so she can conquer the deployment countdown and meet her spouse at homecoming as the strongest and most resilient version of herself.
To find out more about how you can subscribe to Brave Crates or gift someone else, head over to www.bravecrates.com
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White Picket Fences
by L.G. McCary
I don’t know if you’ve checked Instagram or Pinterest recently, but it appears that everyone has got this parenting thing figured out. You can barely scroll without a post about a fancy holiday dinner with extended family or video of Daddy coaching a soccer game.
Blog after blog tells you how to make your family that perfect happy family, complete with halo filter for pictures. Chasing after the idealized family can make anyone panic that they aren’t measuring up, but it’s enough to make a military mama give up in despair.
The painful truth is I cannot give my children most of the things I loved about my childhood. We will never live within thirty minutes of their grandparents and cousins. They will not spend their entire childhood in the same community, putting down deep roots. They will not experience the satisfaction of working hard on a family farm like their father. They won’t have Daddy watching at every awards ceremony, soccer tournament, and choir concert.
Being a military spouse required me to rethink how a family should look because that “should” sent me groping after impossible white picket fences.
I found myself measuring our family by a set of rules that didn’t apply to us. I had to back up, pull out my Bible, and ask God to show me how to give my children what they needed, not what I wished they could have.
I can give them two birthday celebrations: one on their birthday and another when Daddy isn’t deployed or in training. I can send them on Daddy Dates to get donuts or ice cream so they have sweet treats to get them through the long months without him. I can take pictures while they dig into packages of candy, pictures, and books he found while deployed. I can give them memories of visits to historic places and museums, beaches, mountains, deserts, and maybe foreign countries someday.
These are all blessings that other families would envy.
But what they need is for our house to be a safe refuge when everything around them is brand new and intimidating.
They need me to remind them that they have friends all over the world when they are lonely.
They need stories of God’s faithfulness to us going back generations, connecting them to far-flung family.
They need hugs, kisses, and silly jokes.
But most important, they need me to model the resilience and sense of adventure I want to see in them.
My kids bear the weight of being both military kids and pastor’s kids, and I have to show them how to carry it. My joy and obedience will be caught more than taught.
I don’t say this because I’m doing it right. I say it because it is so easy to get it wrong. I can take them on mini-adventures like picking blueberries in Georgia, investigating live tilapia and durian fruit at an Asian market in Maryland, or inhaling “Texas-sized” donuts bigger than your head, but all those things won’t bring joy if they have a grumpy, bored, or bitter Mama who is keeping a mental list of all the things they don’t have.
If I want them to love the life and ministry God has given us, it starts with me loving this life and ministry.
And I do love it. After all, a helicopter practicing drop maneuvers in your backyard is way cooler than a white picket fence.
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A Marriage Check Up With Dr. Les Parrott
Dr. Les Parrott joins me for an episode that is all about how couples can use a tool like the Better Love Assessment to get a healthy snapshot or check-up on their marriage.
Dr. Parrott is a globally sought after marriage psychologist along with his wife, Leslie Parrott, also a marriage therapist. Together, they have written several books and speak on how to improve your marriage communication, reduce conflict, improve your sex life, and much more.
In this episode, Dr. Parrott shares more about how the Better Love Assessment (found at www.betterlove.com) can point out the individual strengths in your marriage. Better Love can be a great tool for date night discussions, working on your marriage during a deployment or separation, and even ways to talk through topics that are normally hot topics.
To find out more and subscribe to Dr. Parrott’s resources, check out www.lesandleslie.com.
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Milspouse Fest Nebraska 2019
So we are currently stationed in Kansas and when I had the opportunity to join MilspouseFest in Nebraska for a keynote and emceeing I couldn’t wait. Spouses in remote locations are always in need of not only a good time, but some great self-care and fun. MilspouseFest is definitely that… Great prizes, resources, and the theme of “Why not Today” was all about finding your joy and talking better care of yourself starting TODAY.
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Humble Pie
by Andrea M
I love those moments when I turn on my inner Angela Lansbury (I think I just dated myself) and ask my husband if he’s been snacking instead of eating a real lunch because after two days all the granola bars have magically disappeared. Every time, even after all these years together, he’s still amazed I know he’s eaten all the granola bars in two days.
Most women just have a knack for noticing these things, don’t they? We know all, be all, and see all. At least we try to, often to our detriment, because we were never supposed to know all, be all, and see all. That’s just too much weight to carry, like that person (not me) who tries to carry in all the groceries in one trip.
When you’re in ministry though, you feel like you have to keep that weight up–or should I say the appearance of keeping the weight up.
We have this skewed perception that if we are in ministry we will pour out to others, but to stop and need others to pour into us would be weakness or even failure. We’re the ones in ministry after all; it’s our job to help others.
Ministers and their families are still people though, people who experience pain and overwhelming times, times when we need help.
I used to think I was weak for needing the help of others, at least until my life unraveled so much because of sickness that I could not carry it anymore. Let’s just say I was dropping groceries left and right. Yet, I struggled with needing help because I felt guilty, wrong, and embarrassed. Remember, I was the one who was supposed to be caring for others, not the one who needed care.
Apple pie is my favorite pie (my Grandma Blick’s recipe if we’re getting technical), not humble pie. Humble pie goes down a little difficult and doesn’t sit well in the stomach. Apple pie, on the other hand, goes down beautifully with a nice sweet side of vanilla ice cream.
Yum. In fact, why don’t we all take an intermission to get a slice. I’ll see you back in 15 minutes.
Welcome back.
God doesn’t always give us warm apple pie in life though, does He? No, sometimes we get humble pie. You know what I’ve realized though? Humble pie is really good for us and a gift of God’s grace and redemption. It’s like those green veggies your mom always made you eat; the taste wasn’t the best but they sure were good for you. All those vitamins and minerals worked to nourish your body in a way apple pie just couldn’t.
Humbling times from God will grow us in ways the easy times never could and will actually be a springboard for greater ministry.
Don’t be afraid to admit you may need help. To receive help is actually a holy thing, a true expression of the body of Christ just as God intended it to be.
Remember Moses? You know, the guy with the pretty hefty resume who led God’s people out of their 400-year bondage in Egypt. He got help when needed, thanks to his father-in-law Jethro’s advice. Jethro noticed Moses was going to burn himself out if he didn’t get some help while serving as a judge for the people.
Look at what he says to Moses in Exodus 17:17-18:
What you are doing is not good. You and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone.
Jethro continues on and gives Moses some sound advice and a plan for how he can safeguard himself (and the people) from a cranky burned out pastor. Let’s be real–that’s just what happens when we don’t take care of ourselves. It not only affects us but, as Jethro reminds us, the people we serve too.
It’s not a weakness to need help, but truly a strength, something God will use to grow you and your witness for Him.
Find someone, or a group of someones, in your community with whom you can be appropriately vulnerable, and when people reach out to help, give yourself the permission to receive it as a gift from God. It’s a true expression of Christ’s body at work.
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The Impact of Family Readiness on Marriage
Matt joins me again for another episode where we talk about the impact of Family Readiness on the marriage. For years, decades even, the military has told families that their support makes the mission successful. Unfortunately, families are getting tired and are wondering at what cost. In this episode, Matt and I have an honest conversation on how families indeed play a part in mission readiness but also how we can change our perspective to a more influential one that can change the trajectory of our entire family.
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The Warrior with Blood on His Hands
Most of us know that there are stories of war in the Bible, but what does it say about the warriors? In this Sunday Special, we take a look at a specific warrior in God’s story and the impact of war on his life. We will address the tough topic of “What does it mean to have blood on your hands?” What does that say about you? Your marriage? When you are asked to be the good in the world, face evil, but to do so requires the willingness to take a life? Scripture actually addresses this and I’m excited to share with you what I’ve found.
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Provider Dashboard2
Provider Dashboard
Below are service organizations that count on the Lifegiver Directory for referrals or have created opportunities for clinicians like you to get involved, gain CEU's and more.
[uwp_user_avatar tag="h1" size="50"] [gd_dashboard title="Are you wanting to add new listings or manage current ones?"] [gd_author_actions]Did you open a new location? Click "Add a Franchise"
If you work in more than one location, you can add an additional franchise to the map by adding it to your main profile. The “Add a Franchise” button will show here once you have created a MAIN LISTING.
Additional franchises are $5 per year, attached to your main listing and will show up as a second pin on the map. It must be added as a “franchise” to get the reduced price- otherwise regular listings are $10 per year.
[uwp_profile]
Organizations That Support Service Families
Below are service organizations that count on the Lifegiver Directory for referrals or have created opportunities for clinicians like you to get involved, gain CEU's and more.
MilitaryVeteranFirst ResponderProfessional Support & Education (CEU)MilitaryThe following organizations offer support and resources for active duty, national guard, and reserve families.
Blue Star Families
Blue Star Families was founded by military spouses in 2009 to empower these families to thrive as they serve. We’re committed to strengthening military families by connecting them with their neighbors – individuals and organizations – to create vibrant communities of mutual support. We believe we’re all stronger when we take care of one another.
Our groundbreaking research is raising the nation’s awareness of the unique challenges of military family life. With the help of neighbors across the country, Blue Star Families is overcoming the isolation and alienation of frequent moves, deployments, and reduced support from the government. Our innovative programs are solving specific challenges for military families, including fighting economic insecurity with resources that foster spouse career development, creating family strength with rich family programming, and providing critical peer support for caregivers, whose numbers are only increasing.
Download the most recent survey results here and find out more: https://bluestarfam.org/survey/
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation (CKFF) is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization founded by Taya Kyle to honor the life and legacy of her husband, “American Sniper” Chris Kyle.
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation’s (CKFF) unique and innovative programs have proven effective in keeping service marriages together, strengthening the family, as well as having a ripple effect on communities and future generations. Our long-term vision includes programs that help build stronger relationships between military and first responder marriages, as well as the communities in which they live and serve.
Our current programs include:
VeteranThe following organizations offer support and resources for veterans and their families.
Healing Household 6
Often caregivers of veterans suffer from caregiver burnout and financial stress due to the veterans’ injuries once relieved from active duty. They often feel overwhelmed with the resources available to them along with how to obtain financial freedom when those resources do not apply to their situation. As a result, the veterans’ support system is severely damaged. Without proper support from the caregiver our families on the home front cannot heal properly leaving the caregiver and children in a state of distress. This stress can be alleviated by offering the caregiver a peer support, resources, domestic violence and relationship assistance, mental health services, and family activities. Our vision is to build stronger support systems for the caregiver, in turn strengthening the overall family relationship of the household.
In addition HH6 assists with emergency financial relief for caregivers in domestic violence situations. Many caregivers experiencing domestic abuse cannot leave their veteran due to financial hardships or fear. It is our intent to assist them to overcome these hardships to remove themselves from the situation. Overall the end goal would be to unite the veteran and caregiver through proper treatment. When this goal cannot be obtained, the case manager assigned to the client will assist the caregiver with resources to begin their journey in providing a stable home for their family.
Find out more: https://healinghousehold6.org
Blue Star Families
Blue Star Families was founded by military spouses in 2009 to empower these families to thrive as they serve. We’re committed to strengthening military families by connecting them with their neighbors – individuals and organizations – to create vibrant communities of mutual support. We believe we’re all stronger when we take care of one another.
Our groundbreaking research is raising the nation’s awareness of the unique challenges of military family life. With the help of neighbors across the country, Blue Star Families is overcoming the isolation and alienation of frequent moves, deployments, and reduced support from the government. Our innovative programs are solving specific challenges for military families, including fighting economic insecurity with resources that foster spouse career development, creating family strength with rich family programming, and providing critical peer support for caregivers, whose numbers are only increasing.
Download the most recent survey results here and find out more: https://bluestarfam.org/survey/
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation (CKFF) is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization founded by Taya Kyle to honor the life and legacy of her husband, “American Sniper” Chris Kyle.
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation’s (CKFF) unique and innovative programs have proven effective in keeping service marriages together, strengthening the family, as well as having a ripple effect on communities and future generations. Our long-term vision includes programs that help build stronger relationships between military and first responder marriages, as well as the communities in which they live and serve.
Our current programs include:
First ResponderThe following organizations offer support and resources for first responders and their families.
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation (CKFF) is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization founded by Taya Kyle to honor the life and legacy of her husband, “American Sniper” Chris Kyle.
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation’s (CKFF) unique and innovative programs have proven effective in keeping service marriages together, strengthening the family, as well as having a ripple effect on communities and future generations. Our long-term vision includes programs that help build stronger relationships between military and first responder marriages, as well as the communities in which they live and serve.
Our current programs include:
Professional Support & Education (CEU)Looking for ways to build your resume and get CEU’s for license renewal? Don’t forget to add these certifications and advanced education to your profile!
Military Spouse Behavioral Health Clinicians
We are committed to supporting those who choose to serve by caring for the mental and emotional health of our service members, veterans, their families and even the civilian community.
WE ARE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY AS A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL.
We are a diverse group: Social Workers, Mental Health Counselors, Marriage and Family Therapists, ABA Therapists, Clinical, School and I/O Psychologists; from those Still Not in School to Graduate Students, from the Soon-to-Be Licensed to Licensed and Seasoned Professionals, and everyone in between.
WE HAVE SPOUSE MEMBERS FROM EVERY MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSION. AT EVERY STAGE.
OUR MISSION:
CONNECT: MSBHC seeks to connect military spouses with their peers in order to gain and give support and to share knowledge and best practices with each other.
ACHIEVE: Our goal is to help to ease all of the educational, employment and licensure hurdles that military spouses face as they navigate through military life while in pursuit of a career in the mental health profession. We hope to accomplish this by providing them with access to all of the necessary resources and support they need at every stage.
IMPACT: A mental health crisis exists within the military and greater civilian community. The rate of suicide and other psychological health concerns have skyrocketed, especially within our military community after over 16 continuous years of war. MSBHC seeks to help provide access to a culturally competent behavioral health workforce that stands ready and willing to help tackle the mental health crisis within our military community and beyond.
Find out more: http://www.msbhc.org/who-we-are
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation
The Chris Kyle Frog Foundation (CKFF) is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization founded by Taya Kyle to honor the life and legacy of her husband, “American Sniper” Chris Kyle.
Coming Fall 2019- an all new CEU Certification track for clinicians to help you develop cultural competency in working with military and first responder marriages. Curriculum, written but SME in the field was vetted and approved by military and first responder couples.
Organizations Currently pointing to the LG Clinician Directory
Partnering Service Organizations
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Forgiveness in Affair Recovery: God’s Design in Marriage
In this Sunday Special, we address the biggest faith question I get during affair recovery, which is how and when do I forgive? Of course this is a difficult question to answer depending on the damage that has been done. Join me as I walk with you through scripture that gives us a blueprint for forgiveness and hope for restoration. I address:
- God’s purpose and design for marriage
- How and why the enemy wants to destroy your marriage
- What Jesus says about when to forgive, and
- How we are not called to repeatedly forgive without boundaries
Sunday Specials on the Lifegiver Podcast are a chance for us to dive deeper into honest conversations regarding our faith and topics that come up in our marriage. In the last episode of the Lifegiver Podcast, I shared with you my strategy for affair recovery. If you haven’t heard that episode, listen to it here: https://www.podbean.com/eu/pb-5jwg4-b63b20
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Communicating Through Change/PCS
Join Matt and I on a Saturday afternoon over coffee where we talk about our recent PCS (relocation). We talk about how it affected each of us, our marriage, kids, and ideas for how you can communicate through big changes your own family goes through. Referenced in this talk is a previous episode on Resiliency and Maslow’s Ladder.
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My Strategy for Affair Recovery: How to Move from Crisis to Intimacy Again
Betrayal is unfortunately more common than you think- especially in the service culture. In this episode, I share with you the strategy I use to help couples work through affair recovery. There are three phases and couples will certainly stall, if not fail, in recovering their marriage if they miss important steps throughout the phases. Two people, if are both willing to work hard, can rebuild their marriage after an affair and go on to have a rich relationship.
Here are some of the resources mentioned throughout the episode:
My interview with Dr. Mike Sytsma
Here is also my podcast on “Sin in a Christian Marriage” Part 1 & Part 2
More Resources:
• Torn Asunder by Dave Carder. There is also a workbook available for this book. (faith based)
• Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity by Gary & Mona Shriver (faith based)
• Secrets to Surviving Infidelity by Scott Haltzman
• After the Affair by Janis Spring
- Rebuilding Trust Video – Using the image of a “trust bucket,” Dr. Mike addresses rebuilding trust after an affair.
Setbacks in Marriage- The Podcast Episode
Women & the Tough Bible Verses– (Topic of Submission and gender roles in the Bible- Authentic Intimacy)
People Are More Important Than Marriage– Authentic Intimacy, When you shouldn’t fight for your marriage
Sexual Intimacy and Post Affair with Mike Sytsma
How do Affairs Happen? New Life Church, Brady BoydArticles:
So You’ve Hit a Marriage Setback: 3 Steps
Military Marriage: When to Separate
Mike Sytsma- Betrayal & Affair Recovery (articles and video)
Protecting Your Marriage from an AffairBooks:
Mission Ready Marriage: My Life As An Active Duty Wife Claire Wood
Sacred Spaces: My Journey to the Heart of Military Marriage Corie Weathers -
Law of Natural Convergences
by Rebekah CochellIf I ever become famous, it will not be for my art, or my writing, or any other “work” I do.
I am convinced my distinction will be from a scientific law I discovered. And as of right now, I find no evidence anyone has discovered it before. I call it the “Law of Natural Convergences.” I believe it is a universal and fundamental law, like gravity.
What is the “Law of Natural Convergences” you ask?
Let’s say you take your dog for a walk on a narrow country road. There are no cars for miles, and then suddenly there is a car, but not just one, there are two that pass from opposite directions at the same exact moment. Not only that, but a lone bicycler will appear and simultaneously pass you at the same time the cars do, literally leaving no room on the road for you and your pup.
Or when you are driving, and you are about to pull out onto a road. There were no cars at all, and then the second you are about to pull out, several cars appear and there is no chance to move for several minutes.
Or when you are shopping, and the store is empty. By the time you are done, there is a very long line at the checkout counter, yet these people came in at all different times from nowhere.
These are physical examples, but I think you may have noticed how very few things happen singularly. Catastrophes, as well as good things, occur in bundles.
This Law of Natural Convergences comes into full effect during deployments.
But during deployment, it’s always the catastrophes that occur. Everything that can go wrong will, and all at the same time.
The only other explanation of this is what I call the Deployment Goblin. But of course, we can’t really admit to believing in a supernatural beast who wreaks havoc in our lives, breaking everything, and causing every kid to get sick or have broken limbs. Anyway, no one has really seen him, so a scientific law is much more plausible.
Things that have happened to me during my husband’s deployments would only be believed by another military spouse.
During one deployment, the hail storm of the century fell on our town. The hail damage to my new car was devastating. I had barely taken it out of the garage. But that day, I needed to run to the store, and it was going to rain so I took the brand-new car. My other car is a Jeep and had its top down. So, as I was at the store, the storm of the century hit, and the car was no longer nice and new.
This occurred during the same week that my kids all had a stomach virus, there was a lockdown on post, and my coffee maker broke!
The first two months of the last deployment there were few catastrophes, and I was feeling confident I could keep it all together. Big mistake! One day my son, a new driver, missed a street sign and sharply compensated the turn. The car skidded sideways and slid into a stop sign which broke in two, snapped back, and broke off the driver’s side mirror and also left some nice dents.
Then the next week, it began getting very hot. Over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. The air conditioner stopped working. Now, before you think, just call a professional, it was a non-combat deployment which sometimes can cause financial strain. And that was not the only thing that broke! The weed whacker, the lawn mower, my toaster oven, a flat tire, and someone rear ended my car in a construction zone.
And then to top it all off, on a particularly busy day I decided I needed to go to the gym to survive. I was rushing, and slammed the car door into my forehead, resulting in a very attractive gash on my eyebrow. I still have no idea how that was possible, and since I refuse to believe in the Deployment Goblin, the “Law of Natural Convergences” must have been in play.
My first inclination was to go back to bed in an attempt to shut the chaos out. But we all know how well that works.
It’s a good thing I didn’t, because in any of the situations, that would have been bad. Especially in the case of my forehead gash; I needed four stitches. So, I just want to offer some encouragement that we can all get through those times when the Law of Natural Convergences is in full play.
When things go wrong, it gives you a little bit of leverage and control depending on how you react.
I say this because so much in the military life is not in your “circle of control.”
Being married to a soldier means you cannot always decide when you are with your spouse, or where you live, or when you move. However, when something breaks, in a small way you have the power to fix something.
Studying and teaching the 7 habits of Highly Effective People has provided me with a paradigm shift. That circle of control concept is huge for me! If you are unfamiliar, it basically says that there are things outside of your control and if you waste time trying to control things you can’t, you are going to be wasting your time, and be very stressed out. What you do have control over is your attitude and your actions and responses.
So, when important things break, I try to think about my response and what I can do. Perhaps there is some way I can fix it myself. I am frugal, but this seriously goes beyond saving money. It gives me a little control over the havoc. It feels great!
This worked for the car mirror when my son decided to drive into a stop sign. We pulled to the side of the road and I took a deep breath and thought… I need to find the mirror. Maybe I can fix it. I was a little shaky, but I got out of the car and found the mirror on the street. I drove home and luckily there was no law in the state that required a side mirror.
I googled my car and the issue and found that the mirror could be replaced and all it took was a couple of screws. I felt confident that I could do it. I found a replacement mirror on Ebay. The painted part of the original was still in perfect condition and I popped it off and fixed it. I had never, EVER done anything like that before.
The air conditioner broke and it was very hot in our house. Suffocating. If my husband was home, he could have looked at it. He worked on air conditioners during seminary. So, I figured I would call him.
He walked me through the analysis, and he was positive it was a $10 piece that supplied a charge to a bigger piece that was the issue. I was able to order the $10 piece and install it. I was very careful to make sure the circuit breaker was off; there are some jobs requiring respect of already established scientific laws. Among them is anything to do with electric currents.
In a couple of situations, I had to reach out of my comfort zone and ask for help. It is difficult asking for help. But I have found in military communities, there are many people who want to help, because they have been there!
And the door in the face? It didn’t hurt, but I stopped and looked in the mirror. I knew I had to get stitches. I hate hospitals, but I knew I needed to go immediately. I jumped in the car and drove to the ER. If I were to redo that situation, I would have called a friend to drive me. Head injuries are not predictable.
These were some examples of gaining control over the many things that go wrong. Of course, we can’t fix everything. And sometimes we need to call a professional, and that’s okay too. You are still in control of that interaction. Some people are not so great at fixing things but can find alternative solutions or they have skills with bargaining for deals or services.
When the Law of Natural Convergences wreaks havoc in our lives, we often get stressed out and frazzled. But most of the time, the things that happen are not that big. They are little things in the grand scheme of life.
Some of them we can even laugh about later. Yet it is so easy to worry and stress about them when we are experiencing them, even though the worry doesn’t change anything or help anyone.
Of course, some things that happen are huge, truly devastating, or life-changing. And sometimes there are things we can’t fix or control at all.
I have been in some of those situations, and to be honest, I don’t have the strength or wisdom to be in control.
It is comforting to know that God is, though! We can trust that He is in control and loves us. Not everything may turn out the way we want, yet God’s presence, love, and promises can be our comfort.
“When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.” (Psalm 94:19)
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Sacred Spaces Book Club
Introducing the Sacred Spaces Book Club !!!
No matter where you are, where you have moved to, or where in the world you are serving, you read through Sacred Spaces in a way that will change your life. More than just a book, Sacred Spaces is a journey… and you are about to go on it with me…
Corie Weathers
Author of Sacred Spaces
Get ready for a book club that you can do from anywhere in the world...
It cannot begin if it does not begin with me.”
Corie Weathers
Author of Sacred Spaces
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Why Friendship Is Still Worth It
In this Sunday Special, I talk with Megan Brown, the If Gathering Military Outreach Communicator. Basically, that means she loves Jesus and loves to get people excited about Him.
I met Megan (officially) at the AFI Military Spouse of the Year Awards 2019, but I’ve been watching her for some time. Her personality is as colorful as she is! After hearing her lead a couple of morning devotionals, I knew I wanted to have her on the podcast.
In this episode, Megan shares the importance of friendship in this crazy military lifestyle as a “life or death” importance. Listen in as she shares how community and boundaries can breathe life into us from a biblical perspective.
Go here to find out more about If Gathering Military
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Addiction & Marriage
When a good friend approached me and asked why I had not addressed addiction and alcoholism on the podcast yet, I didn’t have an answer. I could not believe this topic had not yet been covered. As Alyssa and I talked, she shared with me that she had searched everywhere for solid information on how to address alcohol addiction in her marriage.
Ultimately, I invited her to courageously share her story. In this two-part interview, Alyssa shares how alcohol in the service culture impacts so many marriages and families and how she approached her husband on his drinking.
There are many different ways that alcohol, pornography, or other addictions can destroy your marriage. We won’t be able to address addiction from all sides in this interview; however, I am so proud of how Alyssa handled her situation. Alyssa does a fantastic job of not only respecting her husband and marriage, but also modeling healthy boundaries, asking for change, and supporting her husband through his recovery.
If you are struggling with addiction, or your spouse is, there is help out there. No couple should approach a situation like this alone. Counseling, the military ASAP program, and 12-Step Programs in your area can provide the help you need to navigate the complexity of addiction and recovery.
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Left Behind During Deployment
by Rebekah Cochell
Left behind.
That’s how I feel sometimes. And not in a “left behind after the rapture” type of way. This is a left behind out of the action, adventure, and glory.
When my husband goes off to war, my only battle seems to be against my own seeming insignificance. And I become jealous, even though we both made the decision concerning our roles. I am the one who is home in an endless loop of “groundhog days,” driving teenagers to sporting events, cooking, cleaning, and sleeping alone, while he is doing the “important work.”
I know! When I write it down, it sounds horrible! Being a stay-at-home parent is a blessing! And many writers and theologians have said it is THE most important job!
Sometimes, however, no matter how smart or educated we are, it’s difficult to BELIEVE something we KNOW.
I am so thankful I have the option to stay home, and of course I know that my children are much more important than other “adventures.” But to be honest, I don’t feel that way all the time.
You might be thinking that if I really wanted to be part of the adventure and glory, I should have become a soldier or chaplain myself.
But I would make a TERRIBLE soldier.
I have issues with public restrooms, for one. It’s the fodder of my nightmares.
I have issues with schedules and being on time. I’m constantly five minutes late (which is 20 minutes late military time)!
And waking up at 4:30 am does not work for me!
Of course, some of this discontentment has to do with the fact that when you work outside of the house, you have tangible goals that are completed, you have projects with visible finished results, and you have coworkers and clients who praise you if you do a good job.
At home, the laundry piles never seem to get smaller, the dirty dishes never stop, and nothing seems to show for it.
This shouldn’t really matter, but when you are home, you go through days and weeks of not feeling like anything you do is noticed, appreciated, or will amount to anything. Especially during a deployment when not even a husband is around to give a nice nod to your labor.
There is another factor that plays into doing something “meaningful” as a military spouse. Many military spouses sacrifice careers, not always because of kids, but because spouses go where the military tells them to. Many times, these places are towns without many opportunities for one’s chosen field.
Of course, there are tons of avenues in which a spouse can volunteer and at least feel a little more useful. Many spouses plug into the FRG or PWOC and contribute in powerful ways. Some play piano or sing and help with chapel services. Some plug themselves into children’s ministry.
When my husband was a new chaplain, I was a little lost. Initially, I did none of these. I met with the FRG and coffee groups, but I had no desire to take on a leadership role. I was not a big help in the chapel services; I can play a little piano, but I can’t hold a tune, and performing music in public is stressful for me. I had no desire to work with children in Awanas or Sunday School either.
The guilt over the lack of desire, especially concerning children’s ministry, was immense. I have a teaching degree, after all. Perhaps I was burnt out with 25 plus years of constant children’s ministry, since I was 12!
So, when my husband became a chaplain, I felt like I had no purpose; I was just an appendage. My role became one of representing my husband in public. I learned to look presentable for any given occasion, and I could say the right things. But this role left me unfulfilled.
One day, my husband called and asked if I was free. There was a certification class for a Strong Bonds curriculum and spouses were welcome to join. I didn’t know too many people yet, and we were down to one car. This was a chance to spend some time with him and get out of the house! I loved sitting in the training class with him, learning the curriculum. Teaching is not only my background, it’s in my blood.
After that, any opportunity to sit in a class I eagerly jumped on. When he would teach a Strong Bonds event, I taught with him. We would plan events together and co-teach. Our “gifts” worked well together. It was a way that I was useful in this new lifestyle.
It showed me that no matter what your passions or talents are, there are ways to use them within the military life.
But then deployments came and I was, you guessed it, left behind!
I was jealous of him. He was on the battlefront, literally and figuratively. He was fighting spiritual battles in physical wars. He was doing something BIG, supporting and loving the soldiers who were fighting for our freedom.
But, those of us on the home front, who are left behind, have significant battles and struggles too. And often our soldiers have a similar feeling of being left out. They are left out of the important aspects of family life. They miss out on things like birthday parties, baseball games, choir concerts, and graduations. And to top it off, they often feel like they aren’t doing much of importance either. There are times when nothing seems to be happening, times when everyone is frustrated with the futile nature of what they are doing. They often feel they are not being useful because they don’t know the big picture or what is happening outside of their bunker.
It is difficult to gauge the significance of a thing while you are battling through it.
It comes down to acceptance of what you have been given to deal with and being cognizant that everyone around you is going through significant battles as well.
After all, we know that the real battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the “forces of evil in the spiritual realm” and this battle is on both sides of the ocean, both sides of the war.
I know for a fact that many chaplains, and many other deployed Christian soldiers, have stories to tell. Stories of battling the real battle. Battles of depression and oppression. Battles of temptation and battles of loneliness. These are the battles that we as Christians need to be focused on. And they are equally potent whether you are home with the kids or off in the Middle East.
We are so fortunate that our God is infinitely more powerful than the spiritual forces of this world, and we know who will win in the end.
My feelings of being useless and left behind were not accurate. We are all in the trenches of significant and brutal battles, and there are those around us, wherever we are, who are facing battles of their own. This is not exclusive to the military life, yet military spouses have some commonalities in their struggles and we can have compassion for other spouses in an in-depth way.
Possessing peace and the assurance that God is in control and loves us endlessly allows us to share our faith when those around us–whether our children, friends, or neighbors–are struggling. It allows us to share the greatest hope of all.
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Where is God? A Conversation About God in the Dark Places
Welcome to another Sunday Special! I am so happy to bring back my good friend Sarah- you may remember her from episode two when we had a roundtable discussion. I wanted to bring Sarah back because she is not only funny, but I just love to listen to her talk!
In this episode, Sarah and I talk about what it is like to go through difficulty and feel like God is distant. Is He trying to teach me something? Is this happening because I did something wrong? It is so easy to try to rush through difficult circumstances and learn whatever you have to learn to end the struggle when what He really is trying to do is grow your character. Join us as we wrestle through this conversation of “Where is God in the Dark Places?”
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My Spouse Doesn’t Care About My Feelings
We often hear from couples that the service lifestyle has made my spouse “cold, calculated, and harsh.” While this may be a nature versus nurture debate, the service lifestyle can definitely train a person to see the world in a different way. In this episode, Corie and Matt come together to talk about how this doesn’t have to create more conflict in your marriage- in fact, it can be a strength that you lean on!
Matt shares how growing up in a first responder home shaped him into the man he is today as well as understanding the internal emotional world of warriors- in our community and military. Join us in a fun and moving discussion on how you can embrace who you are as well as how life has shaped you and become a stronger team together.
*** SPOILER ALERT- We talk about Avengers: Endgame in this episode, so please hold off on listening until you have seen it!
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MSOY May 2019
Attending MSOY is like coming home. It is a place where so much began for me when I was awarded the Military Spouse of the Year 2015. Matt and I were asked to share our experience of my years as MSOY. My greatest passion has been in our aging military couples to take care of their marriage. This is especially important for those who are volunteering or working while also a military family.
Matt and I were very honest that winning MSOY was like a role reversal experience. It took a lot of communication and patience Between the two of us that year. It is always an honor to welcome the new Spouses of the Year and acknowledge their hard work and service.
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What’s Going On Down There? Women’s Health
Ok- so first a heads up- we are going there in this episode. We will be talking all about the female anatomy! Guys- this one is for you, too. There is so much women are not educated on and the pelvic floor is just one of them. Ashley Gammon, founder of M.O.M.S. (Military Outreach MUTU System) is my guest! After three C-sections of her own, something wasn’t right. She didn’t feel as strong, wasn’t making progress in her fitness goals, and was experiencing a whole lot of symptoms that you are likely experiencing but didn’t know there was help for.
Ladies, the trampoline is definitely in your future and so are those HIIT programs and everything else you’ve been avoiding because… let’s be honest. After kids, things just aren’t the same. But Ashley says that none of us have to live that way. If you are interested in taking care of your own body and health again and are ready to reclaim your sex life, that trampoline, and get things back where they originally were, check out: www.mutustrong.com
Connect with Corie Weathers! www.life-giver.org www.corieweathers.com
Join the conversation and participate in future shows! @CorieLPC
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Ethan the Strong: A Story of Faith & Courage in the Midst of Loss
This is the second Sunday Special in Season 4 where we have honest conversations around faith in the midst of the service lifestyle. In this episode, I’m introducing you to Jim and Ashley, an Army chaplain couple, who recently went through one of the most difficult seasons of their life. Shortly after PCSing, Ashley found out she was having identical twins boys about the same time that their two-year-old son began to have seizures. Stretched thin with doctor’s appointments during an already busy season of being stationed at the Chaplain Schoolhouse, they soon found themselves in an overwhelming situation. Listen in as Ashley and Jim share how their faith was challenged as they fought for the lives of their sons. If you are going through a current season of loss, or have in the past, Jim and Ashley’s story will inspire you and encourage you as it has already done for hundreds of families who have watched them from afar.
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Facing the Unexpected
by Andrea M
Never in my life did I imagine that I would become a military spouse. When I was younger, I thought certain people were made for things like this and I was certainly not one of them.
My husband joined the U.S. Army Reserves as a chaplain in January of 2018 after 12 years of marriage. We were in a place I don’t think either of us expected, but God in His graciousness led us to it and I suddenly became something I never planned to be: an Army wife.
Life.
You can’t plan it. As much as you’d like to, you just can’t. You can try, but I sure haven’t had very good luck at it.
We plan because planning makes us feel safe, as the uncertainty can often be frightening.
Let me tell you a story.
I used to do a lot of traveling for an old job of mine. I was just out of college at the time—young and a bit unsure of life on the road.
I always had a fear of walking into a hotel room that was already occupied by someone. So instead of walking right into a room, I would push the door open and take a quick peek to survey the surrounding area before going any further. It sounds more like I was entering a crime scene than a hotel room. Oh, what the imagination can do.
However, my imagination proved to be true one evening as I lugged all my bags with me (I’ve always been a one-trip girl) up to my room a bit weighed down. But I still found the strength to push that door open and the first thing I saw was a bright light. Then I heard a man yelling profanities at me. I looked in the direction of the voice, and there was a man working on his laptop while sitting on the toilet. Doing his job times two.
That door I had pushed opened seemed to move in slow motion as it shut in front of me. I took a deep breath after the door closed. My hotel fear just happened.
I went down to the hotel desk to tell them that someone else was in that room, and he wasn’t very happy to have me as a visitor. The desk staff apologized profusely and gave me a suite for my trouble.
The Reality
Sometimes our fears come true; things in life we never expected can and do happen. The fear of deployment, loss of friendships, an impending move, starting all over again, death of a loved one, our child adjusting, finding purpose, a sick child, etc. What will we do with those times?
This past summer my husband left for three months to complete CHBOLC. I was scared and I can remember the waves of grief that would come over me as I thought about living life without my best friend next to me, becoming a “single” mom to a special needs child, and balancing all of this with full-time employment.
It was, in a word, overwhelming.
I remember the words of Jesus to His disciples in John 16:33:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Jesus gave His closest buddies a pep talk, some encouraging words for their impending grief. Really, it was some very good news in the face of the difficult news that after three years of walking closely with and teaching His disciples He would leave them to go back to His Father.
Life does not always hand us a hotel upgrade for our troubles like it did for me on that fall afternoon in the New Jersey Best Western. However, Jesus says we can have peace because He has overcome the troubles of this life.
Troubles are inevitable. Yet, whatever pain or grief our hearts will experience in this life, Jesus offers us Himself, His power and presence, to overcome them. Beloved, take this joyfully. Fear doesn’t have to control us. You and I will make it because Jesus is enough. We will walk through difficult seasons because Jesus is enough.
We will face our fears because Jesus is enough.
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